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I can’t even imagine how painful this has been for you.
I don’t know how much you know about 12 step programs like the one I am involved in.
When I explain this to wives they are almost always very receptive and understanding about this: control) you should be the one finding the therapist and meetings.
If she is doing this, lovingly tell her that you want to be the one to do these things because it shouldn’t be her responsibility and isn’t fair to her. If she won’t have this conversation with you, make sure she knows you are there when she is ready to talk, and remind her of this often.
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If she is resistant, don’t let it turn into an argument. If there are still secrets in the marriage, your wife probably senses this and this will hinder effort you take to improve your marriage.